


Regress

by FN2187



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: #clean#childhood#coming-of-age#throwback#emotional#awwwwwbabybennnn, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-05-02 09:33:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14541804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FN2187/pseuds/FN2187
Summary: A powerful master. A promising child. A dark future.Leia Organa has chosen to send her son Ben to be trained with his uncle. He is a bright, powerful child; the fruit of her womb and the result of her dying love to Han Solo. He is young, intelligent and eager...and naïve. As the political and relational issues within the Solo/Skywalker family become tense and dark, one lonely child is left to fend for himself in the middle of it all.This is the story of how one small choice can affect the entire galaxy.





	Regress

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> Thanks for reading! This is not my first fanfiction but it is the first one I have ever posted so I'm a little hesitant. Any and all feedback or suggestions are welcome. Please excuse any grammatical errors. I will hopefully post on a bi-weekly basis as I wrote far ahead so I have most chapters already written.  
> If this gets enough interest I will post my Reylo fanfic which has a plot and is not just mishy-mushy lovey-dovey nonsense! If this interests you please let me know. Thanks everyone!
> 
> Kudos and comments are appreciated

A group of beaming young children crowded around the ship as it touched down noisily in the serenity of the field. There were a half dozen of them all with rosy cheeks and bright eyes. Their smiles stretched from ear to ear as they ran through the grass on short little legs. The grass was above their heads in some places but they batted it aside and peered between the blades with practiced ease. Leia smiled to herself softly she looked out at them from the window of her ship. The grass waved frenziedly in the wind from the engines and ruffled back the children’s hair as they waved in that overfriendly, shameless way that children do. The vibrating pulse of the engine powering down filled the chamber as she turned away from the window to flick off the dash lights. Chewie flipped an overhead switch and looked at her silently. In his dark eyes she could see his contentment at being here; mirroring her own.  
“Good to be back, hmm?” she said to him. He smiled and growled in agreement. He opened a compartment to his side and pulled out a bag bursting with dried fruits from Takodana; a delicacy. Leia laughed.  
“You’ll have plenty of new friends by the end of the day,” she remarked. Chewie rumbled a laugh and put the bag in his satchel. Leia took her blaster out of her holster and sat it down on the dash with a deep feeling of relief. She wouldn’t need it here; one of the few places in the galaxy, it seemed, that was safe.  
It had been hellish in the Senate lately. A new group called the First Order had begun to raid and destroy outer bases of the Republic for seemingly no reason. The group claimed to be ‘the phoenix that had risen from the Empire’s ashes’; or at least that’s what one of the prisoners they had taken from a raid had said as their final words before his execution. To Leia, the First Order seemed nothing more than gangsters and troublemakers but she remained, as ever, pleasantly open to the concerns of the Senate. They believed the attacks were deliberately focused on the destruction of the Republic and were convinced that the First Order would be the rebirth of the empire. Secretly Leia had amassed and groomed a small but strong group of Rebellion alumni and willing Republicans as her new ‘Resistance’ if a situation should arise. So far, none had, and Leia prayed it would stay that way.  
The hatch opened onto the golden field and Leia walked eagerly towards it when a red box tossed carelessly in the corner of the ship caught her eye. She sighed and bent down warily to gather the parcel into her bag. Han had left it for her to give to Ben. It was almost as though he didn’t understand that what their son really needed was a father, not just gifts from his extravagant voyages around the galaxy. A twinge of guilt sparked in her conscience and she found herself frowning at the ship wall. It had been three months since she had seen her husband at all. The last time she had seen him, they had fought about Ben…again. And then the next day he had left to some far reach of the Hosnian system to strike a deal with a warlord. It had been the last straw for her and she had decided that enough was enough. They had decided…she faltered at the thought, afraid to have to say it out loud to her son. Her mind whirled back to her last conversation with Han.

_‘Luke’s a better role model than I will ever be; Ben’s better off with him!’ he yelled, throwing his hand in the air exaggeratedly. Leia smothered the anger that was rapidly inflating in her chest and strode in front of him until he had to look at her._  
_‘He needs someone to teach him about the Force; that’s true. He needs someone who can teach him to be in control. But what he really needs is a father, not a master. Han, please. At least try.’ The smuggler shook his head and turned away with a bitter laugh._  
_‘He never needed me Leia, you know that.’_  
_‘He did. And he does.’_  
_Han whirled and rubbed his temples, biting his cheek to keep from yelling in Leia’s face._  
_“When he was six years old he asked me why I was so afraid to stay in one place. He asked me how I could love you but fought with you. He asked me…Leia…he asked me why people hate each other,’ he finished, spent on his words. Leia was silent. She held his gaze, laced with helplessness. ‘I don’t know the answers to those questions,’ he said quietly. For a moment she was silent, wondering exactly what she should say now, as a mother; a wife._  
_‘I don’t know what to tell you.’_  
_‘Yeah well, well I don’t know either.’_  
_‘But he’s our son, Han. He’s your son.’_  
_‘I know.’_

_____ _

Leia blinked, captured in the memory. Chewie put his paw on her shoulder and she forced a smile up at him.  
‘Ready?’ she asked as she hit the switch for the hatch. Chewie nodded and a warm wind blew into the compartment of the ship. Leia closed her eyes and took in a deep breath, trying to ease the pit in her stomach. They walked out into the golden grass and the children ran around them. A boy who she had never met gave her a crushing hug and two little girls immediately began to play with Chewbacca’s long fur. He cooed gently and handed each of them some of the candy from Takodana. Leia patted the boy on the head and he let go, running off into the grass without a word. Leia smiled at the two little girls playing with Chewie as they giggled shyly into their hands. A small movement caught her eye and she turned, spying a little blond head amongst the golden grass. Two worried little blue eyes peered out from behind windswept bangs. Leia knelt, feeling the grass brush along her cheek as she did.  
“Hello,” she said to the golden haired girl. The child held her gaze but didn’t come any closer, twisting her bare toes into the dirt. She nibbled at her thumb uncertainly. Leia smiled, trying to ease the little girl’s shyness. “My friend over there has some candy if you’d like.” The child peered over the grass at Chewie and nodded after a moment. She held her hands out to Leia and the woman laughed. She picked the child up gently and rested her on her hip.  
“You’re a little princess, aren’t you?” she said. The girl smiled shyly and glanced at Chewie. The little girl seemed hesitant at first but reached out and touched his fur cautiously. Immediately her eyes brightened and before Leia knew it she was sitting on Chewie’s shoulders, pulling on his hair. He flinched but smiled content to allow the three little girls to poke and prod as long as they were content.  
“Shall we?” said Leia and Chewie rumbled his agreement. Leia shielded her eyes against the sun as they walked to the ruins, feeling her muscles relax as the warm rays touched her face. The ruins were alive with children making their way between classes, laughing and jumping around one another. Luke had started with only a dozen students, but now he had over 30. Not all of them were gifted with the Force; some were orphans he was training to be guardians of the Jedi temple. Some students were mildly blessed with the Force, while others were strong with it. Ben’s frustrated face came to her mind.  
Then there was her son, who was so overwhelmed by raw Force strength that it escaped him in the moments where he didn’t desperately cling to it.  
Leia forced her mind to other things. If you’re here, enjoy it, she admonished herself firmly. Breathing deeply, she stretched her mind out with the Force.  
This was a good place.  
The students here were happy, for the most part. They were motivated and industrious, inspired by their teacher. Leia had decided long ago that she had no interest in being a Jedi; she had seen how hard it was for Luke to control it and to accept that his life was tied to the Force. When Ben had shown interest in becoming a padawan she had tried to convince him otherwise. But it soon became apparent in his outbursts and frustration in trying to keep it smothered that it would be unfair to keep him from training.  
When she concentrated hard enough, she could feel each person’s aura and how they drifted from one thought to the next without snag. Some had more intense, bright auras; students who were more refined in their control of the Force. Others were softer and less vivid. She furrowed her brow, trying to distinguish them from one another, searching for Luke’s. Abruptly, a shattering red aura floated abruptly into her mind and she tensed at the sheer rawness of it until something grabbed hold of her and her eyes snapped open.  
It was Ben.  
“Mom!” he exclaimed happily, wrapping his arms around her and crushing her in a tight hug. Immediately all of her worries about Han momentarily evaporated and she clutched him to her, laughing.  
“Ohh my! Oh I missed you so much Ben!” she whispered. “So much.” Her voice caught in her throat and she passed her hand over his black hair. Immediately she could tell that he had grown again. He was tall, for a nine year old, and as she held him she could already feel the firmness of his shoulders. A painful lump suddenly grew in her throat. Before she could let herself ruin the moment, she kissed him on the head and pulled away, keeping his hands on his shoulders.  
“Let me look at you,” she said, smiling broadly. He straightened and met her eyes, grinning from ear to ear. She took in his face; his proud features that mimicked Han’s and the inky eyes that she saw reflected back at her whenever she looked in the mirror. A choppy padawan braid rested on his shoulder and his big ears poked from under his curly black hair. She stroked her hand slightly on his cheek and smiled, trying to soak up every detail so that she could look back on it when they were apart.  
“Mom, I look the same,” he said jokingly. Leia shook her head.  
“Nope. No I think…hmm, yes…definitely…”  
“What?”  
“That’s a new freckle!” she exclaimed, brushing her thumb along his cheek. He smiled and laughed softly.  
“I’ve always had that!” Leia cupped his cheek in her hand and he squeezed her hand. He suddenly seemed distracted, gazing over her shoulder. Leia’s smiled faded as she realised who he was looking for.  
“Where’s Dad?” he asked flatly, letting go of her hand. Leia twisted her hands together.  
“He couldn’t come, Ben. He’s…away.” His expression darkened and the warmth of the moment evaporated. The air around them suddenly felt frigid and tight, like a cold draft in a cozy room. Leia swallowed uncomfortably. Ben had always had the ability to command the tension and feeling in a room; sometimes unintentionally. She could remember the first time it had happened when he was barely six years old after angry ‘client’ of Han’s had gotten into a heated fight with her. Needless to say, the man had never come back.  
She looked at him now as the breeze ruffled his dark hair, his young face frozen in some unreadable expression that made him look years older than he was. His hands curled and uncurled at his sides and once again she kicked herself for not knowing, never knowing, what the right thing was to do for him.  
“Ben? I’m sorry your father couldn’t come but… I’m here and so is Chewie,” said Leia, trying to fill the void that had stretched between them. “And your father left you a gift.” It sounded foolish, even to her, and she flinched as she said it out loud. She pulled the package from her bag and handed it to him. He looked at it slowly and then back up to her.  
“I don’t want a present,” he said faintly. Leia breathed out slowly.  
“I know.”  
His eyes wandered to Chewie and his face softened. She felt the air draw back into her lungs, leaving her shaky and imbalanced.  
It scared her how strong he was.  
Half-heartedly he tore at the package and revealed an old wooden box. Leia looked at it quizzically. It was a surprisingly heavy package for such a small object. She wondered momentarily what in the Force’s name Han had been thinking. Ben held the box against his stomach and flipped open the latch on the box with a click, eyes full of curiosity. With the box turned away from her, Leia couldn’t see its contents, but Ben’s eyes widened immensely and his mouth fell open.  
“Oh,” he breathed.  
She caught her breath as Ben reached in and slowly pulled out the hilt of a massive lightsaber, thick so that he had to hold it with two hands. It was grey and worn with use, and two openings for what looked like cross blades were installed at the top. Leia’s mouth dropped open and she bristled in alarm.  
What were you thinking, Han?!  
“Careful!” she snapped as Ben stared into the end of it, finger on the button. He turned it over in his hands, awed.  
“It’s ok: there’s no crystal in it,” he said vaguely.  
“How do you know?”  
“I-I can just tell, I don’t know. I can feel it.” His expression brightened slowly and he held it in a defensive stance, finger over the button, a fierce expression on his face. “I’ve been waiting for this day for a long time.”  
The Force suddenly stirred in Leia’s mind and she was filled with a horrible, sickening moment of premonition as she stared at her child. Something inside her twisted violently and formed into words. Not my son.  
Ben swung the hilt enthusiastically and she snapped out of it suddenly, breathing heavily. Ben laughed.  
“This is the best present ever!”  
Leia looked inside the box he had dropped and pulled out a folded piece of paper. Han’s scrawled writing on the page caused a sharpness to form in her chest.

_Hey kid, don’t kill yourself with this thing. I mean it. Your mother would murder me if you did. It’s an old Jedi blade I rustled up on a trip to the outer rim; Korriban. Crossblades are pretty cool, I thought. I’m sure your mother and uncle aren’t thrilled but they’ll get over it. I figured you’d use this when Luke thought you were old enough to have one of your own; when you get your own crystal I mean. Enjoy it, kid and may the Force be with you, or whatever it is they say there. Love Dad._

A lump had formed in Leia’s throat and she struggled to swallow it away as she handed the note to Ben. He read it, expression shifting to a slight smile. He paused once and held it out to her.  
“What does this say? Korr-ee, korr-y…”  
“Korriban.”  
“Oh ok.”  
He read for a few more seconds, silently mouthing the words until he got to the end. Leia watched him read over Han’s goodbye, smiling as he grinned in approval. Leia arched an eyebrow.  
“That’s a pretty amazing gift, Ben,” she said. He looked at it again and gave it a little spin.  
Chewie roared his approval and Ben laughed. He handed the saber to Leia and leapt on Chewie’s back suddenly, climbing up onto his shoulders. The wookie pretended to stagger to the side and Ben yelped and then laughed as he gripped his friend’s shoulders tighter.  
“Careful,” chuckled Leia. Chewie lifted Ben off his back and the boy hugged him firmly. Chewie looked happy as Leia had ever seen him and she smiled, trying to shake off the darkness from a few moments ago. She looked down at the weapon in her hands and her smile faded. It was huge; thicker and larger than any lightsaber she had ever seen. It scared her to think that her son would grow someday into a man who could wield such a weapon. Maybe that was where she and Han disagreed; he wanted Ben to grow up too quickly and she wanted to hold him as a child, as her baby for as long as she could. She dreaded to her very core having to tell her son that she and Han were finished. Her knees weakened. She hadn’t allowed herself to think that words in their entirety and she suddenly was struck by momentary panic that Ben may have been able to hear her thoughts. She glanced at him tensely but he was babbling about something to Chewie excitedly. She breathed a sigh of relief that was quickly replaced by deep guilt. He would have to know eventually.  
Ben ran up to her and she forced a smile. He grabbed her hand as she handed the lightsaber to him. He stuck it in his belt and stroked his thumb over it admirably.  
“Come on Mom! Come! I’ve gotta…I want to…um, I want to show you something cool!” he was stuttering over his words with excitement and despite herself she laughed.  
“What are we standing here for then?” she joked and he flashed a smile before dragging her through the ivy covered ruins. They came to what looked like a crumbling observation dome. The pale sandstone was worn from the years and as Ben dragged her by she quickly made out various small carvings in the walls of students names throughout the years. Thick ivy draped over the entrance and she batted it away from her head as they entered. To her surprise the room was large and well lit by openings in the ceiling and walls. The floor was grey rock, cracked from years of use but strong as ever. In the corner, a stand of combat staffs and marble balls sat silent and cold in the corner. Something about the air in the room hummed with a presence she couldn’t quite place; a silent, passive energy that made her ears pop.  
“What is this, Ben?” she asked. His steps echoed as he walked to the middle of the room and sat down, closing his eyes. He didn’t answer so she opened her mouth to ask him again.  
“Don’t…just-just watch,” he said without opening his eyes. She quieted and stood with her back pressed against the cool stone, waiting. He seemed a small, lonely figure in the centre of the vast room, sitting there on the cold floor. He suddenly furrowed his brow and she watched as his chest rose and fell in a deep breath. The air around her suddenly expanded and rushed towards him all at once and she stumbled forward as though someone had pushed her.  
“Ben…” she threw out her arms to steady herself, heart quickening. His face reddened.  
“Sorry…sorry,” he said, face still contorted in concentration. “I still haven’t mastered it yet. It takes time.”  
Patiently, Leia settled back against the wall. Ben’s face hardened in intense concentration. It was an alien expression on such a young face; full of a determination that overpowered anything else and an almost desperate need for greatness. A minute passed, and then another. Ben frowned suddenly and Leia could see that he was becoming frustrated. He pressed his palms onto the ground and gritted his teeth. Suddenly the air in front of him crackled violently and then spread round the dome like a chain of reactions, throwing out a brilliant blue light. Leia jumped and then stared, fascinated. Ben relaxed his brow slightly and Leia watched the tension ease from his jaw. A moment passed and then a small blue light, a single bead of it appeared in front of him. It began to sway and then expanded into a beautiful wisp of blue smoke, bending and twirling in a vortex around Ben’s head. He smiled slightly, lips slightly parted in concentration. Slowly, so as to not startle him, she stretched into his thoughts and found him thinking, to her surprise, of her. The blue lights bent gracefully and gently around his head and then suddenly snapped straight as a rod. His thoughts had turned to Luke and to school. Leia felt his desire to be good enough…to be the greatest. She wondered if Luke was pushing him too hard; or perhaps not enough.  
Ben’s hand twitched and he frowned suddenly. The blue light in front of him cracked and popped like static and then shuddered into a sharp, dazzling form in front of her. Leia stifled a gasp as she saw that he was thinking of Han. The blue energy began to collapse in on itself violently, shuddering into sharp, serrated figures before breaking into shards. A sudden sharp pain in her head made her squint and she pulled her mind away from his, feeling as though she had been burned. The energy in the room stiffened and then shattered like glass before disappearing as his eyes snapped open.  
Leia’s stomach dropped and unease washed over her in a rush of heat. He’s unpredictable and impulsive, Luke had told her; he feels too much. She hadn’t wanted to believe Luke at first. But she saw it now, how his emotion drove his power. She could still feel the pounding of her heart from the anger she had felt in his little spirit, anger that stemmed from his own father. She watched him closely as he got up and walked to her, stumbling. He hadn’t seemed to notice that she had been in his thoughts so she smiled and clapped softly, ignoring the worry that crackled through her body like electricity.  
“Well done!” she said. He stumbled and she caught his arm, frowning. “Are you alright?” He pushed his hair out of his face and smiled tiredly.  
“I’m fine. It’s just tiring. Master Luke just taught me...I haven’t done it very many times,” his little chest was heaving as he talked and his cheeks red like he had just run a mile. He laughed suddenly. “The first time I did it, it was so tiring I threw up!”  
Leia frowned but he laughed like it was hilarious, not seeming to understand her concern. She worried that Luke would push him to the point of burning out. Then he would get frustrated, which would turn to anger. She was terrified at the thought of him using the Force in anger.  
“Ben,” she said, “Make sure you take breaks alright? I don’t want you getting too tired or sick. And if Luke gives you any problems about it, tell him I told you to.”  
“Mom…’  
“I’m serious, alright? Now, speaking of, let’s go find your uncle.”


End file.
